My mental health hasn’t been anyone’s priority in the last few years, and let’s face it: I knew I was taking one for the team with this write-at-home-and-maybe-finish-a-novel-someday-while-homeschooling-gig. There are people who would love to be in this position and tell me so. (I polite-smile and back away. I should start asking them to take pH for 48 hours a time and letting me know how that works out for them.)

Recently kH has been doing well (it is nice to hear him laugh, and I have said so). He decided to point out to me a couple of days ago that I didn’t seem to be very happy.

I polite-smiled and thought:

  1. I can’t eat 90% of the foods I used to, so some days I barely top out at 500 calories and you know I’m mean when I’m hungry;
  2. I don’t like buying my own holiday and anniversary gifts, but…?;
  3. You think holding the family together, doing all the housework, laundry, parenting, ferrying everyone to and fro, and educating the child for years without respite leaves me with a lot of time to eat, drink, and be merry?; and
  4. You are lucky there are no sharp items nearby.

I said something relatively rational about how we don’t see much of each other at home, really, without pH being a pain in the ass, and me being exhausted by the end of the working day.

I retreated to my office.

And plotted murder.  I resolved to discuss this with my psychiatrist, with whom I have an appointment soonish. And took some pills that are on hand just for these sorts of occasions.

Well, now we are back in the swing of things.

Today, I took pH to a lunchtime concert which featured the best organist in Portland playing on what might be the feeblest organ in Portland, old enough it had gone around the Cape.*

Part of the concert were two Bach Preludes and Fugues. I was baptized in Bach at a young age and never grew out of it. The pieces played today were in major keys, which, forgive my unrefined post-Goth-taste, I tend to avoid, but about four measures in I realized something.

I was happy. Really, truly, deeply** happy. I’d forgotten organ*** music makes me happy. That if you grow up with Juilliard-educated organists and paid soloists every week, well, you get kind of spoiled. So I’d forgotten Bach made me happy and I’d gotten out of the habit of listening to music while teaching, because pH finds it distracting. However, according to iTunes, I have 1 day and 9 hours of Bach (not counting Bach offspring) to listen to, or close enough:

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So…pH will  have to learn to love Bach, too. Now I just need someone to get me the complete Cantatas….

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*RGP, no organ jokes!

**I mean it!

***No, really!