I’m about to go grocery shopping. That I’m doing this with a smaller budget than usual has something to do with how someone entered my husband’s time at work (possibly him), but since his work is blowing up in several ways (not all of them bad), he is on non-stop phone calls or writing email and I can’t get him to do something as minor as to check on it, and in any case, it hardly matters since his work would never do something like, say, fix it in a timely manner. It would probably be fixed on the next paycheck and what is hundreds of dollars now would result in a tiny increase attached to a second paycheck, because of taxes.

Anyway. That’s not the point. I have a pantry stocked with staples, we’re benefiting from a friend’s sabbatical and getting their CSA share, and having lived on potatoes for six months once in college (I can even make them taste like meat!)–I’m okay. Poor food I can do.

The problem is that I’m now allergic to wheat. (I’m not celiac; that’s a different thing, although FSM knows just trying to explain that is sometimes impossible; it’s not an anaphylactic thing, but it’s not fun.) I don’t know which protein or sugar in dairy (and it’s not just cow’s milk) that I can’t process, but I can’t have dairy, or else I am miserable. I’m severely allergic to all tree nuts and seeds (those result in ER visits). pH is severely allergic to peanuts to the point we can’t have any in the house. If either of us develops an allergy to soy we are screwed.

I experimented over the last week with cheating with wheat and it’s just not worth it. I felt so much better without it. Look, no anti-emetics!

But I’m meal planning for the next two weeks (I don’t like to go grocery shopping and so I do it all at once, with mini-runs to the store as required).  And…oy.

Eating vegan would be a great way to avoid dairy, except almost everything has nuts. (I am going to buy soy nuts to make vegan parmesan instead of using cashews, which vie with Filberts for “most deadly to qH.” Filberts–hazelnuts–of course, being a major crop in Oregon.)  I have a case of soy nut butter coming from Amazon because I figure that I can survive on that and apples if all else goes to hell.

Going paleo would solve some problems. Meat is the one thing I allow myself to be extremely finicky over. Well, and apples. (Ethics aside, I will get a pork roast and slow cook it to the point I feel it’s probably safe; generally I get grossed out over meat. I can’t believe I ever ate raw hamburger.) Fish we all like, so at least there’s that.

pH is seven and picky, because she’s seven. She will, however, subsist on miso, tofu, and seaweed (and can make it herself). kH is allergic to nothing that we know of, but is picky. Generally as long as there are saltines, tomato soup, and sardines in the house he will be fine, which I can barely bring myself to buy because…ew. But so picky! He will eat escargot (there was not enough butter and garlic in the world to get me to eat them before the dairy intolerance) but he will not eat peas. I don’t get it. Peas. Benign little peas. Put butter on them, I say. He makes faces. pH makes faces. It turns into Green Eggs and Ham without the happy ending. I make them anyway, because I love peas and I have the most food restrictions (and I do the shopping).

But this leads me to the point: how amazing would it be to eat anything you wanted? And to look at a menu searching for what you feel like, instead of what won’t kill or incapacitate you? I stood at a counter at OMSI yesterday looking for something, ONE THING, that would work. I finally said, “Um, I don’t think I can eat anything here.” They had to modify something. (And they did, no argument, and it was good.)

Sigh.

I’m jealous of people who just order.

(And I’m buying peas at the store.)